Welcome to our weekly “Spotlight on a Mean Mom”!
Has your child ever said you were mean? It hurts, doesn’t it?
Here’s a little wisdom–what a child defines as mean… a mom defines a little differently.
Mean Moms instill loving boundaries and have a tough outer shell to stay the course.
The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Kids will be available March 2015.
I had some help from some very special ladies while working on this book over the summer. Mean moms and marshmallow moms raised their hands to be a part of The Mean Mom Team, a focus group I pulled together on Facebook. (If you’d like to join or want to be interviewed yourself just click on “The Mean Mom Team“. We’d LOVE to have you!)
Today’s spotlight shines on someone I’ve known for a very, very long time. I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s been a dear friend of mine since we were MUCH YOUNGER and looked way better in a bathing suit.
Would you please say howdy to our Mean Mama — Nicole Hitchcock!
Nicole is a registered nurse and lives in San Ramon, California. She’s been married to Robbie for 24 years. She’s also a self-proclaimed mean mom to Jeremy (20) and Hannah (18). While she might think she’s “mean”, her grown up kids don’t seem to see her that way at all.
I guess that’s the best parenting pat-on-the-back a mean mom can have, isn’t it? When all your hard work pays off and being mean isn’t really seen as mean after all.
Nicole, it’s so great to have you here! Fill us in on any mean mom-decisions you’ve had to make recently.
Since both of my kids are away from home and in college, I haven’t had to make any Mean Mom decisions recently. My role as a mother has changed drastically since my kids went away to college. I am now primarily providing guidance and support. I also send them ” mom/nurse wisdom and advice texts” such as “get your flu shot” or “make sure to not walk alone at night”. Not sure these are always needed or wanted but I think they secretly like them or at least I’d like to believe they do! (They have commented that they like that I am watching out for them!)
Is there any mean mom wisdom you can share with our readers?
Guide your children in doing what is right even if it is not the popular thing to do. Set expectations which may be different for each child since they are each unique individuals. Model those behaviors yourself! Stick with what you believe in and don’t back down from your decisions. Tell them regularly how proud you are of them along with what they need to work on. Be open to criticism yourself! Listen to your children and really hear what they are saying. This will help create mutual respect and understanding.
The rest of the wisdom I have comes straight from my kids. I asked them about being a mean mom and they shared their thoughts with me:
Jeremy (20)— You definitely raised us with guidance and didn’t let us wreak havoc everywhere. Though you knew when to ease up.
Hannah (18)–” I feel like you set your expectations for us early on so we knew what was right and wrong. … I wanted to behave well, stay out of trouble, etc. not because I didn’t want to be grounded or get in trouble. It was because I didn’t want to disappoint you. I wanted to be the best person I could be so that you would be proud of me.
You did a good job of telling me how proud you were of me, but also bringing up the things I needed to work on. You also stuck with what you believed in and once you made your decision about something, you didn’t change your mind which I think is really important because it made me respect you.
You were pretty “mean” about pg-13 movies because I remember some of my friends watched them at a really early age and you didn’t let us do that which I am very appreciative of now. At the time I thought it was stupid but now I realize that we didn’t need to be watching that at such a young age.
Nicole, do you have a favorite scripture verse for your mothering journey?
I receive daily devotions from Proverbs 31 ministries via email. I often forward these to my kids when there is something I think they would like or need to hear. I also send them bible verses, quotes or let them know I am praying for them regularly. These are a few favorites I LOVE below.
Psalm 46:10- Be still and know that I am God
Psalm 19:14- Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Philippians 4: 6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
What do you do to keep your marriage the number one priority in your home?
My husband and I keep our marriage a priority by spending alone time together and making “family time” as well. We purposely let our children see us compliment one another and see our affection towards one another. We also make it a point to mention the little things we do for one another. ie. ” Isn’t mom a good cook”, ” Dad sent me flowers today” or “Dad sent me the nicest text” etc. Now that we are empty nesters, we’re grateful we valued our marriage and took time early on to keep it strong.
Funniest Mean mom moment is displayed in the scribbled out wedding picture to your left. When my son was about 3, we put him on a “Time Out” in our bedroom. Later that night, my husband and I found our wedding picture.
We laughed so hard. He’s twenty years old and it’s still such a funny memory for us. We love this photo and still have it today!