Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9
There’s quite a few elements that create a great marriage. But, there’s one thing that’s tantamount to a successful and thriving relationship. Believe it or not, it’s got nothing to do with how much money you have or how old you are. It’s even simpler than that.
What does your marriage need to survive for the long haul?
You need to spend time together. It’s the oxygen of a marriage relationship.
How much time do you spend each day with your husband?
According to research by The Office of National Statistics, married couples are spending on average only two and a half hours a day together. Guess what? That isn’t even intimate time. We use most of those one hundred and fifty minutes each day together watching TV.
I’m married to a great guy. He never forced me to choose between him and my kids. He never said, “Hey, would you mind just letting the baby cry tonight?”
It’s true. When our kids were smaller it was incredibly tough to squeeze time in. Paul was working and going to school. I was up with teething babies or driving kids all over town.
When you think about it, we had some valid excuses for not spending time together. But, after nineteen years of marriage here’s what I know…
Valid excuses are still excuses.
Jesus created us to be relational–with Him and one another. We aren’t put here to try and wing it alone and that includes our marriage. God played His part in joining us together. Now, it’s our turn to play our part in making sure we aren’t staying separate from one another.
I have a spiritually binding marriage contract. This covenant isn’t to be taken lightly. Like, I said, my part is to make sure I do everything I can not to create a “separation” between me and my hubby. Which means each time I allow us to be separated a little more and accept things “just the way they are” without much fuss, I’m allowing separation to seep in. I need to fight for ways to keep us joined the way God intended.
In the original creation, God made male and female to be together. Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart. Mark 10:6-9 The Message
I love how The Message explains Mark 10:9. “Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Did you catch that? No one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart…including each of us.
Use these time-together-tips.
- Babysitting Co-op. Talk to a couple of your dearest friends and share babysitting. Put a regular night on the calendar and take turns watching all the kids. Rotate the whole gaggle of kids weekly from home to home and give the other parents an evening to themselves.
- Coffee Dates at Barnes & Noble. Bring the kids to the children’s section and enjoy a mocha with your man while they play with all the toys. I’m a huge fan of this one.
- Put on a Disney movie. Thank you Walt Disney for creating movies that keep my child occupied long enough for me to enjoy a few minutes with my man. Wink. Wink.
- Take a drive. We love our country drives out here in Tennessee. When the kids were small we’d grab a coffee in the car, put on the tunes for the kids and take a little drive together. These days you can use Walt Disney here, too. A movie in the car is a great trade off for some adult conversation with your man.
Whatever you do — DON’T GIVE UP. Keep looking for moments in your day to squeeze in a little togetherness. It matters more than you think.
Self Reflect and Application
- How long has it been since you spent a few hours enjoying adult conversation with your hubby?
- Who can you enlist for a weekly or monthly babysitting co-op for nights out?
- Instead of getting angry that your husband seems fine not spending time together, tell him, “I miss you. Can you think of a day this week we can get a babysitter and enjoy a little time together?”
- Most importantly: PRAY. Pray for your heart not to be bitter towards a husband who may not be as upset as you are about missing him. And, PRAY for the Lord to make some miraculous opportunities appear this week.