Christmas can be a sad time too.

The older I get, Christmas memories can bring me to a melancholy place. A few Christmas songs even sound sad to me now. It is not a surprise that this time of year has the highest suicide rate. What a hard time for so many. For months now, we have been surrounded by Christmas.

Music, decorations, even commercials joyously show happy families decorating their tree, or gathering together at a huge meal- no one fighting, no one missing. The pain of broken relationships, the separation by miles or even death, are magnified in great proportions in December.

This week in December and the songs playing on my blog now, transport me back to eight years ago, to San Lorenzo, California. My mother was dying of cancer, only months before she passed away. She was no longer able to speak so music often played, replacing the sound of her voice and the laughter of ours, with the songs that she loved. This Christmas CD (Celine Dion) was her new favorite, and since it was her favorite, it was mine too. One of her best friends (she was blessed with many best friends) was dying too. On December 9th of that year, Ginger, who she loved, lost her fight to an unsuspected staff infection and passed away at the young age of 48. It was so hard to watch Ginger’s family suffer at this time of year. Ginger had just become a grandma and had been with her husband since they were young children. Anytime of year it is difficult to lose someone you love, but at Christmas it seems that much more painful.

My sister Jennifer followed me in her own car to be there for me and mom. When I drove up to the house to share the news with my mother, her precious friend Bev (another best friend) was just leaving and knew why I had arrived, what hard task I had ahead of me. She hugged me and told me that it would be ok. (Bev passed away last year. Now her family is struggling to fill the hole left by the death of their parents. Their father died only months before Bev did.)

What a hard time that was. Thinking back on those memories makes me cry even today. What blesses my heart, what gives me comfort is knowing that this separation is temporary. One of the very reasons God sent His precious baby boy into our world was so that death would be defeated. His resurrection is evidence of that. My grateful heart is especially thankful for this most precious gift at Christmas. “So we are always confident (ALWAYS CONFIDENT!) knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.” 2Cor.5:6-8

This Christmas I am not absent from my body, or present with the Lord…but my mom is. I can’t wait until I can see her again and hug her again, and share with her all of the joys that I have experienced while we have been apart … and maybe even tattle on a few who have hurt her little girl. Tattling is ok in Heaven right? I can’t even imagine the joy we will experience, laughing again as we talk about all that has happened to both of us.

I miss her so.